Friday 25 August 2006

Two Friends Walk Into a Bar

A couple of heads turned at the exclamation but soon returned to their own conversations when they realised who was responsible.
"Hear me out, I'm just trying to give you something to take your mind off her. Your face isn't exactly much to look at even when you're smiling; the constant mope you're in at the moment is putting me right off my beer."

The brief flash of anger on his companion's face was quickly smothered by his depression.
"What did she ever do to you?"
"Ripping my best friend's heart out isn't enough?"
"No. That doesn't explain it. You've never liked her."
"She's human. What's to like? Anyway, back to the quest."
"Fucking immortals, always living in the past. There haven't been any decent quests for centuries. And in case you hadn't noticed I'm a fucking ork. We eat questing heroes."
"Now who's living in the past? There hasn't been a case of an ork eating a human for nine hundred years. Your clan pledged to vegetarianism generations before you were even born. I was His witness. You haven't even eaten a hamburger, let alone a questing hero."
"I eat McDonalds!"
"Styrofoam and pencil shavings don't count. I defy you to find enough meat to feed an ant in an entire 'restaurant'. Ronaldus may have the magic to fool the humans but the elder races are immune to his illusions."
"I know your exile still stings but its not humankind's fault that you pissed Him off. You could try treating them with a little respect considering that they are the predominant race these days."
"Their ability to breed quickly doesn't make them intelligent. My job for the past six millenia has been to shepherd them and what is there to show for it? Starbucks and fucking Google.
"They almost had it a few centuries back, a few of them were starting to show due respect and in return were granted limited access to the healing magics. A bit of practise and they could have joined the rest of us in civilization. So what do they do?
"They hang them. They drown them. They burn their own kind alive! The best of them wiped out overnight and their scientists are left free to bind the universe up in rules leaving us trapped here in the shadows.
"All I did was ask to be allowed to take up the flaming sword one more time, to chastise them like we did in the old days. Humanity used to be a spoilt child in need of a slap, I had sympathy for them back then.
"Not now. We've been reduced to a reality TV show: Today we meet the Parent afraid of his youngest child; leaving his older children to suffer."
The angel looked across at his friend. The alcohol had proved too much and the ork was laying face down across the table snoring gently. He sighed.
"Fare thee well, friend. We shall not meet again. While He allows me freedom in exile, the others of the Host feel I should be silenced. I cannot accept the sanctuary the Morningstar has offered me. My father may be misguided in hit love of the humans but I do not question his right to sovereignty. I cannot lend my brother's cause validity by joining him. I would rather accept my death.
"I pray that you will take up the quest. If the magic is not rekindled soon the elder races will expire. I do not wish my father the pain of seeing his favorite children guilty of fratricide."