Looks like the new poll has broken the justification as well.  I hate frontpage - why does it feel the urge to tamper with pasted html code - the original had a matched

pair, but frontpage decided to change it to

and to remove the closing .  Fixed now - I'll have to be careful if I add any more polls...

Burble

A dream diary entry.

In my dream there was a big fast food restaurant in London Bridge station (the food was all chicken, but it wasn't a KFC).  I was so drunk that I couldn't read the menu to decide that I wanted.  They were frying eggs and kept having to throw them away because they had broken the yolk.  I was floating and had to concentrate very hard to stay on the ground.  When I was coming down from the platform to the concourse I was hanging onto the hand rail and my feet were floating in the air above my head.  A bloke came up to me while I was struggling to keep hold of the handrail, and my drunkeness combined with my struggling caused me to completely ignore him - he wandered off saying something about me not having a watch, my watch was clearly visible though...

How sad.  I even dream about bloody train stations.  Maybe I should take up train spotting - I don't have a dirty enough anorak though...

Chewy

Aah, a Slim Jim spicy beef strip...  or in other words a 90p dog chew.  Why is it so easy to hate what is different?

No future
No past
No escape
No hope

Beards are really impractical - I am forever chewing on mine when I eat.  The river looks really cool from up here - I wish I had the time to sit by it and just relax tonight.  I would find it hard to relax with the sound of traffic in the background though...

Traffic.  Trains.  There is too much manufactured bullshit.  I would love if I could walk to work, or ride a horse.  That would be cool.

My writing is crap tonight. I keep making mistakes and having to correct them.  I suppose that's what you get when you have a few pints before writing a journal entry...

Click, Clack
Sound Track

Don't know how to continue that one... Oh well.  I don't know what the inspiration for the current run of child abuse ads is - I guess they are putting good looking adults on the posters to say "Hey look!  Adults can be sexy too, you don't need to fuck kids!"  They should just string the lot of them up by the balls.  Sick fucks.

Maybe it's time for a new poll (seeing as noone voted in the last one) - do I scare you?  I find the comment from angecf earlier to be both amusing and frightening at the same time.  Mainly frightening, what if everyone feels that way?  Will I scare everyone away and be alone forever?

Other polls can be found here

Do I scare you?

Do I scare you? Yes No You bore me

Current Results

The only reason I go on is because I believe that there must be something better - maybe there isn't, maybe this is as good as it gets.  Harsh.

Why is it that I always spill stuff if it has even the slightest chance of staining?   I now have a nice chocolate milkshake stain on m shirt.  At least it is late - I'll only be wearing it for another hour max.

Chocolate milkshake
Coffee splash
Chicken curry
Messy cunt

I have no will to go on.  I will leave this now and move on...

Time for a taxi.  Victor 93 - POB - lovely.

Scaring

Andy said that I had to mention him and Chaz in tonights entry - consider yourselves mentioned lads.  I hate these trousers - I have to check the flies every 5 mins just in case my tadger is hanging out.  Maybe I should start wearing underpants again...

I was told that this site had scared someone today...  I guess it just wasn't meant to be.  Another hit from match.com toda - I wonder if it will be as short lived as the last one.

Several people at work have said that they have read this - I'm not sure if that is good or bad.  This is all genuine, but I think it may be a bit too open for some.   Fuck it, if they don't like it then they don't have to read it.

I can't think what to say at the moment...  It really sucks not having any sounds on the train.  I suppose I could listen to other people's conversations - but I can't be bothered at the moment.

London Bridge... time to get some food.

Sardines

Hehe, got a seat. Rush hour sardines is so much fun... not! Coffee time. I wish there was an easier way to timeshare a cup of coffee and a palmtop. :(

Railway tracks, flowing across the land like a river that gives no comfort - a human current rushing to their own personal oceans of work. coffee break...

Right, where was I? Who knows? Who cares? What is the point? Let's pick a front-page story at random from someone else's paper for me to rant about... Well, well - so the queen mum is 99 today - does that story really need half of the front page of a broadsheet paper? It's depressing to think about the fact that I could have another 75 years of this to go - and at the end I could end up like great granddad Chaffey - at least I won't have the pain caused by forgetting the names of my visitors, because I won't have any ... Thinking of how upset GGC used to get when he would know who my mum was, but couldn't remember her name is both upsetting to remember and also quite scary - things can get worse than they are now, and they probably will. I fixed a laptop yesterday, the main reason I succeeded was that I wasn't afraid to make things worse because I know that sometimes you need to make something worse before it gets better... I hope I don't have to apply that to my personal life - it's bad enough as it is. Maybe I have already been applying that principle subconsciously - that could be what my brief experiment in self mutilation was about... it didn't work though. The scars are fading slowly, the ones on my upper left arm are probably going to be permanent, but at least they aren't as visible now - you'll only be able to see them up close soon - I'm glad I kept the cuts above the T-shirt line.

Oooh, pretty colours! Looks like the computer displays at Farringdon are well and truly buggered. A magenta background and white writing for the headings and red background with yellow & white writing for the train times. Yick!

I wish the bloody Northern line was running - without it there is a lot less flexibility in getting to work - I left St. Albans 25 minutes before the train that I am waiting for did. Normally I could get to work earlier on the train I caught, but not at the moment. I won't even have time to get a decent coffee at London Bridge - I'll have to go to quick snack. No announcement for this train - I don't think this one goes to London Bridge - at least I'm moving, even if I am crammed in. Well that's 2 stops closer - don't know why I bothered really, it hasn't reduced the journey time at all... The train I'm after is 7 minutes late - I might not be able to get a coffee at all :( I'm gonna look around here (Blackfriars) and see if I can find a coffee shop... Yay! They even do flavoured latte - he's put far too much cinnamon syrup in though :( Now I'm back to the drink or write dilemma. A palmtop that you could sub-vocalise to - or even one with thought recognition, that would make this journal really easy - it would also enable me to do the dream diary part. I really want to do that while I'm awake, but can never be bothered to write them down when I wake up :(

Apparently the train was delayed by a crash in Mill Hill - it was less than 10 mins late, so it can't have been a very bad crash... Maybe the train-driver was just rubber-necking at a crash on the motorway. Lol - this thing just wrote rupert instead of rubber. Rupert-necking, I guess that must have something to do with wearing a scarf - I don't want to think about it too much though...

Ack! My CD player has just given up on me - no music until I can dig out the receipt and take it back!!! That will be the weekend at the very earliest. Expect some seriously pissed off entries over the next 2-3 days...

Almost to Greenwich... Signing off...

Gone

Why do people constantly imitate others?  I may not be the most innovative of people, but at least when I do something unoriginal it is because I am acting onunprovoked impulse - not because I have seen someone else do something and feel that I have to out do them.

The air is clear tonight - I may actually be able to sleep through without waking up tangled in sweat soaked sheets.

Another couple of hits from match.com today - I wonder if they'll reply after reading this or if they'll quietly disappear... No emails from Erin for about a week - I guess she's finally had enough of me.  No matter - my email conversation with her really helped me to open up.  If only I can follow through in RL.  Would have been nice to talk to her some more though :(

I need to bring "River of Blue Fire" into work tomorrow because Matt wants to borrow it (just a note to remind myself when I transfer this entry to the web when I get home)

The computer displays in rail stations are great.  According to the boards my train will be second on this platform, and will be arriving a minute before the train in front of it.  Time travelling trains would be cool - I could get home before I leave.   I would never have times for these ramblings though - probably a service to mankind, but it would deprive me of an emotional outlet and I would go back to bottling it all up inside.  Ah, an announcement to say my train is 6 minutes late, that's more like it.

What would I do if I had an extra two and a half hours a day by cutting the travel out?   I'd probably spend the time working, or watching utter crap on TV.  I'd probably play large amounts of EverQuest - at least that contains an element of socialising (if played at the right time - otherwise it's safer to play solo to avoid the kewlios)

Why is it that I still like so much stuff that most people grow out of?  I read comics, I read high fantasy novels, I would love to start playing pen & paper RPGs again, I listen to Heavy Metal music (the phrase isn't exactly right, and has a ton of negative connotations - but I still like it)  An explanation I have thought of in the past and find quite amusing is that maybe it's a hormone thing and because I am still a virgin I still have a teenage body chemistry.  It's amazing the sort of pseudo scientific bullshit that you come up with when you have too much time on your hands.

I really like Switchblade Symphony - I have only had this CD (Bread & Jam for Frances) for 4 days and must have listened to it at least 20 times, that's nearly 3 hours per day spent listening to it.  Her voice is amazing - I can't believe that there is a line in one of the songs "I don't sound good" - umm, excuse me?  Who the f*ck could possibly think that?

I changed my email signature again today - only on my personal account though - the work address is still using a quote from Temple of Love by Sisters of Mercy.  The new quote is from the Jack off Jill track Devil with a Black Dress on - "Do you wanna hurt me angel, 'cause I'm hurting now you're gone" - I love that track.

I love writing this down as stream of consciousness - it's fun to go back and think "Wow, do my thoughts really flit about like that?".  In reality they flit about even more - but the text recognition on my Palm can't keep up - I have a half dozen thoughts while I'm trying to finish a sentence.  The constant shaking of the train doesn't help either - I have to go back to correct the mistakes, otherwise I wouldn't know what the hell I had written.

St Albans coming up... I'd better sign off...  TTFN

Slurp

A hot cinnamon latte and a seat while I'm waiting for the train. The larger aspects of life may be f*cked - but the little pleasures are enough to keep me going.