Wednesday 19 January 2000


I've been neglecting you all for a while (well maybe not all of you, but I've been neglecting the diary as a whole...). Plans are progressing about the Sydney trip, I have been promised a very thorough tour. Hope the jetlag doesn't hit bad while I'm there... Two weeks today... Is that really all? Only just over a month since we first spoke by ICQ and yet already things are gone so far. But I'm not going to talk about that. Or am I? Can I really bring myself to break away from this subject? We have been chatting for at least 3-4 hours every day for the past 2 weeks - several months of time together by offline standards I would imagine. Not that I would know of course. I am so tired - not through lack of sleep - I have been lacking sleep for a long time without feeling like this, but because of the intensity that I am feeling in everything. Didn't know exactly how numb I was feeling until I felt something else. Something beautiful. *retch* God I make myself sick with some of the things I am saying when I look back on them with my logical head on, but logic holds little sway with me at the moment. I can hold logic together for work, but I am left for the evening now and logic left through a different door. Huge purple raspberries. Random thought popping into my head. I want to hear her voice. I can hear the echoes in my head, but it is not enough. The crackling on the line is a pain too. I want to hear her words without electronic interference. I have been drafted into fixing her PC while I'm out there (not that I took much persuasion mind you) Don't know the relevance of that, but I thought of it now so I'll say it now. Or then rather. Whole. A piece of me is far away, but I am still more whole than I have ever been. I asked before if love was possible when you've never met the other person face to face. I knew it was. And I know it even more so now. I love you baby. A very painful six weeks to go until we meet. If they pass as quickly as the past two then it will be no time until we meet. Every second of the now drags though. Except the time we are together. ::sigh:: I don't seem to be able to talk about anything else at the moment. I have a secret but I won't tell. She has, but I won't. Not until March anyways. Now that's got you all interested - those of you that are still with me and not wretching anyways. I meant it when I said I wouldn't tell though - sorry. It's funny - I have been thinking back on things. I thought back to Erin all those months ago - talking for longer, moving slower. I thought there was something, but there wasn't. or maybe I took it too fast. I'm glad nothing happened with that one really. Glad I was still available two weeks ago. I have a girlfriend. That still sounds weird. She's smart, funny, caring, good looking, she's everything. And I am sending you all reeling for the sick bucket again.... Including myself... She's at work - or will be soon anyway... My head is so spun about at the moment - I have no idea what the time is most of the time. Well I've managed to ramble on for the whole journey - I hope those of you that complained about lack of updates are satisfied now :)