Clawing my way out from my pit of despair. Lots of encouragement from others - that hasn't really helped though - my apathy has just taken over and killed the rage. Knowing people care enough to offer meaningless platitudes like "that sort of thing happens to everyone" and "one day you'll meet someone you're not nervous around" is nice. I don't have to believe what they say to appreciate the sentiment. I have got to give up on things for now. I am not ready. Maybe with a few more years of life experience under my belt. God, I wish that thought didn't fill me with dread - I've been alone for more than two decades - what is a few years more? Well it's a few years less to spend with the right person for a start... This unified messaging is going to play havoc with my phone bill - time to check my messages...
Monday 6 December 1999
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