I hate colds. It's been quite a while since I had one and this one has hit with a vengeance. It's mainly just the sore throat left, with a bit of a cough. Mercifully the headache has eased off. I am losing interest in this diary. It was very useful during the down patch I had a little while ago, but now I am not as down. Is that true - or am I just bottling it up again? I am certainly not as bad as I was a while back, but I am not exactly mr happy. I wonder if losing some weight will help with my love life. I doubt it. I am going to go for it anyway - for medical reasons. To get back to normal weight for my height I need to go down to twelve stone. I've not weighed that since school. I wonder whether the electric shock exerciser will work or if it is just a waste of money. I hope it does - otherwise I may have to start exercising outside - with all the taunts from young children that entails. I hate being alone. I wonder if anything real can ever live up to the rose-tinted fantasies I have. Does true love exist? Probably, but I am never going to know it. Maybe I should move into a job in the banking industry with a 50-100% salary increase and find a gold digger who will pretend to love me. Or if she can't stretch it that far she could just pretend to like me. That would be an improvement on now. I wish I was a more likeable person. I don't like being an arsehole, but it is the only way I know.
Monday 20 September 1999
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