Obsession has reached critical mass. I actually acted on it, very unlike me. Has always made things worse in the past. Probably just fucked something up bigtime - I would have been better off losing sleep. Done now though - time to wait for the fallout to start coming down. "On a night of dread and wonder hear her heartbeat turn to thunder". No hope in Hell. Don't believe that line - there may not be actually be any chance of redemption - but the tortured souls must have hope or their suffering would be lessened. No chance in Hell works better. I hate uncertainty. Feeling this way for all the wrong reasons. "Hallelujah, Hallelujah - Kiss the cross or they will burn you. Hallelujah, Hallelujah - They have come to rape and murder". I sense a negative attitude towards Christianity in this band...
Wednesday, 3 November 1999
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