Tuesday 2 November 1999

Dious prities controensi camos.

meta-date: Tue Nov 2 21:48:00 1999

How much is done for shock factor?  Here I don't think anything - other places are a different matter.  I updated my match.com profile earlier - used a fragment of an earlier entry - the butterfly rant from this morning.  Was a deep piece that says a lot about me - but I could have picked a tamer piece.  Who cares though - nothing will ever come of it.  Bought some food but don't want to eat it.   Shitstench. The wonders of public transport.  A couple of extra days of lonely emptiness coming up - as if I don't get enough of that already...  Blank again.   As ever.  Wishing for a death ray.  Pierced through the heart.   Sucking the sustaining darkness from my soul.  A shrivelled husk.   Desiccated.  Ready for reconstitution - just add water.  What difference.   An endless nothing is all that awaits in life or death.  No point. Just get on with it.  Wishing for oblivion.  What a difference a day makes.  Shrouded in hide.  Hollow eyed.  Fancy footwork.  Practised insults.  Drunken spontaneity.  Living in denial.  Am I really that afraid?  Boat rocked.   One more wave and I might fall in.  Fuck it.  I can't be arsed.