Sinister. New train ticket - ouch. Shopping to cheer me up. Lol. Need more than senseless spending to do that. Skin sore - hope my razor isn't going blunt already. Probably is. If so I will have to go back to wet shaves - can't afford £100 on a razor every other month. Actually I could - would just need to give up on some toy money. Don't begrudge money on toys - the razor was a toy - I didn't have one before - but once I need to buy one on a regular basis I don't want to spend any money on it. The evils of necessity. I may actually be down enough to be productive at work - still a hint of salvation on the horizon though, so probably not. I wonder if the reason for my higher productivity during depression is due to body language - people don't interrupt because I am giving off an aura of "fuck off and die" - when there is a hint of positivity there they feel free to barge in. Makes more sense than explanations I have offered in the past. Is almost positive too - gods, don't tell me I'm actually starting to think positive! Could it be that I have almost burnt out my negativity? Nice thought - but unlikely.
Monday 15 November 1999
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