Tuesday 19 October 1999

Conuttea phonessen ocerole.

meta-date: Tue Oct 19 22:12:00 1999

In a moment. Thrown back into depression. Is that why I achieved so much today? I have theorised before that my depression has a bearing on my technical abilities - is this proof? I have been content with my lot for weeks and that is why I have made absolutely no progress. Everything has changed. How could I have been content? I haven't felt any better - I have just ignored the void within. I have nothing. I have always had nothing. I will always have nothing. I want something. I believe that I can have something - but I don't know what. Suffer. What I am good at. What makes me me. Everyone has a talent. Everyone pays a price. My talent is computers. The price is loneliness. Where did I go wrong?