Feel silly making today's update. Will do it anyway. Have been making mountains out of molehills all morning. I have calmed, but am still not feeling entirely rational. Nothing in it. We danced a little. We talked a little. I helped her drench Gareth in beer. She implied that she's like to meet me again sometime as I left - probably just being friendly. Still alone, but have had my hope for improvement renewed. I had given up. I don't know what hurts more - the empty desolation of before or the hope for change. I am being fucking stupid believing a word of my beer soaked memories. I didn't feel drunk at the time, but I was. I must be reading more into it than there was, but I can't get the thought that maybe I'm not out of my head.
Saturday, 30 October 1999
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