Thursday, 7 October 1999

Hargerm witters chooscism ges.

meta-date: Thu Oct 7 07:00:00 1999

Obsessive - as usual. I am just impulses and obsessions. Product of a throw away society. Very few things I do can hold my attention indefinitely - I always get distracted and move on to something else - or the apathy gets to me and I just give up. Zero attention span. I tell a lie - there is one thing I never tire of - moaning. I can moan about how shit I think my life is until the cows come home. Trains are shit. Life is shit. I hate. Damn you all to Hades! Fuck it all. MoooOO! My cue to stop. Not finished yet though. Not enough coffee yet this morning - one more should set me up for a while. Just one more fix - I can stop at any time, I just don't feel like it. Addictions: caffiene - alcohol - everquest - moaning - spending. A genetically conditioned addiction to companionship - I have never really tasted it - yet I cannot think of anything else for long before my attention springs back to it. I need to be more careful about charging my discman batteries - it tends to skip when they are low. Phonebank is no longer a freephone service - it's LoCall - which means it doesn't even get included in my free minutes by Orange. Arse. They have an national rate number though - not as good as freephone - but better than nowt. At least that one is included in my minutes. Tantrum. I am like a little kid throwing a tantrum about a percieved unfairness. Newsflash. Life isn't fair - accept it and move on. But I want what other people get. You won't get it - give it up and be happy with what you have got. Easy to say - impossible to do. The cows are calling... MoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo