Sunday 15 August 1999


meta-date: 199908151919

Sitting here I am suddenly overcome with a sense of emptiness.  The last couple of days I have avoided feeling down, but now suddenly it is back.  I am sitting by my computer and the rest of my room is a total mess from when I dug out the bits needed to upgrade mum's PC. Here's the current state of my bed:

mess1.jpg (12504 bytes)

I've also decided that each page of meanderings will have a picture of me taken at the beginning of that week.  You've probably already seen it by this point...

I am really not looking forward to tidying the stuff away - I won't do it properly as that would take about 2 days to do for this room, but it will still be an incredibly boring job.  I wish I had someone to share it with, or even just to watch me and to talk to me while I do the job on my own.  I hate loneliness.  I think it's time for some music.  I'll listen to Controlled by Hatred / Feel like Shit, Deja vu by Suicidal Tendencies.  That's better.  Don't know what to do first...   procrastination is ruling again.  I've actually managed to get two things that I have been putting off for ages done this weekend - one of them I have been putting off for a few years now...  I should feel good, but it doesn't seem to matter.  I think my chest of drawers is broken - it has a definite lean.  I wonder how long it will be before I replace it?  probably when the drawers no longer open - I may put it off longer than that knowing me...  The webcam was level when this picture was taken:

drawers1.jpg (13903 bytes)

Find no hope in nothing new and I've never had a dream come true - I love that song, the best mix comes later though.  Sky is clouding over.  I have cleared up enough that my bed is clear.  I will be able to sleep without having to do any work - that is something at least.  God, I am such a lazy bastard.  I knocked the stack of videos off of my speaker - Videodrome fell behind the chest of drawers and I had to lean round the back without putting any pressure on it - if I leant on it it would probably fall on top of me.  Quick ICQ conversation with Andy - had what sounds like a very nasty virus on Saturday - I hope I didn't get it while out drinking with him on Friday...  Have to pause here - one of my favourite songs of all time...

Tattoo feels warm - I think I can actually feel the healing.  Some small scabs have formed on the darkest parts - doesn't look as bad as I thought it would - you have to look pretty close to see them, not obscuring any detail in the tattoo...  Just looked to my left and it has started raining without me noticing it, it looks quite heavy, but I can't hear it at all.  Bizarre.  Well, I've sat here typing for an hour now, and no real inspiration has hit me - I will try something else now...