Tuesday 17 August 1999


meta-date: 199908172251

Had a few drinks. I had an ICQ conversation earlier which I have decided will be the basis of my first pre-meditated entry here. Tequila is kicking in. Dan & Dave decided to get mohicans for charity - I wonder if that idea will stand the cold light of day. OK, time for my bizarre conspiracy theory (not entirely my idea...) Computers (windows PCs especially) are predators - they hunt the unwary and unprepared. Ever wondered why your PC crashed at *exactly* the wrong time? It's because they feed on frustration, anger and despair. The science is that they only need electricity to run, but in reality this is like living on bread and water. They crave negative emotion, and if none is forthcoming they will find a way to generate it. This also explains why so many geeks are good with computers - the ambient emotional turmoil is plenty for the computer - it doesn't need to crash to generate more. My computer has more than enough to sustain it from my diary entries, and has no need to crash. This enables me to work uninterrupted by crashes and get a lot more done - ultimately resulting in much more comfort while working with computers. Surreal transaction between a guy in a suit and a bunch of trendies - I'm glad I can't hear it, it is a lot more mundane than it looks. He is clutching on his coke bottle like his life depends on it. I probably look the same with my bag of crisps. Who am I. I think I have lost the plot of my earlier rampant paranoia. The only serious problem I had with this theory is that I cannot believe that either Microsoft or Intel actually have the ability to put any intelligence into their software or hardware - but as I had pointed out to me - predatory cunning does not necessarily indicate high intelligence. As if I needed any help in being paranoid... There are people out there who believe this sort of crap too - people less alone than me. I wish I truly believed something - I could share that belief with someone. As a sceptic I have nothing for myself, let alone something to share... I want to fade to grey. There is a statistical chance that the sun will go nova tomorrow. If the many worlds theory of quantum mechanics all possibilities exist in perpendicular universes. This means that somewhere this will all be over tomorrow. Somewhere it was all over today. Joy. Rapture. Please. Pleas. Still far to go. I will get there eventually. Can I live in denial? Build a little fantasy world where I can be happy and retreat into it. I don't think I have a good enough imagination to think of such a place.