I am a total mess as usual. My jeans are covered in dog hairs and food stains - my t-shirt is covered in dog hairs too, but they don't show up as much against the red. I smell and don't care. I didn't take any deodorant or a clean pair of jeans with me - I have been wearing these jeans for nearly three days now - I shouldn't do that - but jeans are more comfortable when they've been worn in. I should take more notice of my personal hygiene - it's one of those "It's never helped before" things - I have no motivation to do it for myself so I don't do it at all - that pattern repeats so often. Fractal. Holographic. My life can be summed up by apathy - it's never worked before - almost a motto. Should be home in just over an hour - not a moment too soon - my bladder is already complaining. Two weeks nearly since last hearing from Erin. Sooner or later everyone goes away. I will write another email, but expect no response. I am going to go for a while but will be back soon.
Sunday, 22 August 1999
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