Should I give up on women and try to become gay? I have had several propositions from guys in clubs, so I probably wouldn't be alone for long if I did. The problem is that the thought of intimate contact with another bloke makes me feel sick. So does the thought of getting intimate with a woman - but that's a "scared sick that I would get it wrong" feeling rather than a gut sickness. I'm not that lonely. What right do I have to feel so down? I have a job that I enjoy (most of the time), I have enough money that I can waste it on toys like CD players and this palmtop... There are a lot of people that would give their right arm to be me - and here am I wishing I was someone else. What an ungrateful bastard. Charing Cross soon - maybe a walk will clear my head.
Monday, 23 August 1999
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