Monday 9 August 1999


Music for this morning's journey a bit more up-beat & cheery - Moink by Jackie on Acid. Lots of cool lines in this one - I wish you were more like television, then I'd know if I turned you on. Love me 'til I'm high as God is. Skittish vision blinking, looking for a creepy, junky loving chick - coulda, woulda, shoulda had your flavour on a stick. The herd flocks over to platform 3 - don't they realise that the next train will be at platform 1 before the delayed one they are waiting for? More space on the train for those of us with a brain of our own. pretty brat sure knows where it's at, if you push her belly then her hair grows long - my sister had one of those dolls - pretty bizarre thing to have in a song lyric. A lot of the bands I like at the moment have female vocalists - a couple of years ago there were nearly none on my playlist. Are there more of them around or did I just not notice them until recently? Bright green sweatshirt - hurting my eyes to sit opposite - even catching glimpses out of the corner of my eye. Hope she gets off soon. It would be nice to have a forward facing seat too - don't like going backwards.

Who is to blame?
Is it some force on high
Tangling the puppet strings?
It is just me
And my lack of self esteem

Drunken vulgarity
Am I Derek or Clive?
For they are funny
And I am just sad.

The sky is grey
My life has donned camouflage
In hopeful preparation
For the day when I will fly

Why do I want a relationship? They never last long in my family. You need to navigate through the roots of the family tree back a couple of generations to find any lasting relationships - my parental grandparents were together until the end - but none of their children are still in their first marriage, on my mothers side you need to go back to my great grandfather - there are non-immediate family members of a more recent generation, but no-one that I am directly descended from. I hope this pattern can be broken - if only for my sister's sake. The tempo has dipped towards the end of the CD and my mood has dipped with it. Rain is falling outside. I get sick of myself sometimes - but there is no walking away. Rain on the river - it soothes briefly, but the train soon carries me past. Get Some - by Snot - see if this one can cheer me up. Quit. Mad. Stop. A Kerouac ending.