Rack 'em up

I should be sleeping, but after the email I have just written my heart is racing too fast. Hopefully I have just arranged to go on holiday in Texas to meet the mysterious Erin. Emails to her in the past have usually just flowed out naturally - today I had to sit there for almost an hour to get the bottle up to write anything down. She's been so good for me over the past couple of weeks and I really want to say thanks in person. I like having her as a penpal - at the back of my mind there is a little voice saying that if we meet then maybe things could go further - that's too scary too even think about. The little voice has never yet been right in a situation like this though. This is the only time in my life that I have been more afraid of the word yes than of no. I just can't believe the way I am feeling about someone when I have no idea what she looks like. For all I care she could be the bearded lady in the local freak show. She is a really caring person and has been so patient in listening to my rants. I am very very scared about what happens next. I think I have just written everything I didn't want to write yesterday morning... not as bad as all that after all...