Sunday 8 August 1999


I slept straight through for 14 hours last night - dreamt alot but don't remember much.  Some sort of secret agent thing where I developed telekinesis and was the only person who could save the world from alien invasion.  As I developed the skill I learnt to alter other peoples brains so that they could use telekinesis too.

Rain falling outside - things are well and truly drenched.  The temperature is just right, no waking up too hot last night.  Watching the rain splash on the surface of the pond through my window is almost hypnotising.  If I hadn't chopped the tree down a few weeks ago I wouldn't have noticed the effect. pit-pat pit-pat on the windowledge - I have bitched about the wet weather as much as anyone in the past, but at the moment I wouldn't have it any other way.  Clouds are a uniform grey - no features to look at.

Smooth grey blanket
Envelops the Earth
A cooling comfort
Who understands?

Silently screaming
My brain is hoarse
The surface is calm
Turbulence waits below

Another vote to say I scare someone.  I don't want to.  Sometimes I just want to be 'normal', but I don't know how - and wouldn't be able to keep it up for long if I did.  This is me, no matter how much I try to change, I always return to this.   Not normal enough to fit with the mainstream, not weird enough to find comfort in the company of freaks - an outsider with nowhere to turn.

I love the smell of wet trees.  Not as good as the smell of wet dogs, or melted tar - but certainly one of the things that makes me feel strangely content.