Saturday 7 August 1999

Bedroom of a Stranger

Updating last entry - still makes no sense - some will have to remain uncorrected. Whirr of fan. Bathroom needed - continue later. No dream memories. Too much to drink last night - still not sober. Lying in a woman's bed - she's away - the only way I ever get to do this. Didn't break anything last night (as far as I recall) I think I'm improving. Hours to go before anyone else is up. I wonder how long the batteries last in my new CD player - haven't had chance to find out yet. Laughing - bwahahaha. Rain outside - why does everyone else think that is a bad thing? See how they run. Who am I? Do I matter? Giger pictures surround me - very cool. Cuddling up to Tracy's womble last night in the taxi was strangely comforting.

Blue glass
Illuminated with darkness
Pale ambient sunlight
Fighting through overcast sky
Catford - but I am a dog person
Cat call, cat nap, cat fight
Work calling for many
But not me - not today.
Gyroscopic motion
Head still spins
Water bucket is sufficient.
I am lost.
I know where my body is
But where is the missing part?
The part to make me complete

Quiet time
Quality time
No interruptions
No company
Lonely time
Every time
All the time.

Never come back
Run for cover
Hide - he may find you
He can't be allowed to feel whole

If the sun were to go nova
Nothing would matter
Will I feel this lonely when I'm dead?

Yellow sign
Green tree
Grey sky
Black heart

Lost sheep
Wolves on the prowl
Try to help
But too late
Torn asunder in front of me


Full circle
Corners tightening
Disappearing into myself

Demons at the gate
Blood on the blade
Get the lemon
Burning release

Poetry flows
When loneliness surrounds
Someone help me close the dam

Hold me tight
Until the pain goes away
I will do the same for you
If you let me

Accept the confusion
All becomes clear

Hail Eris
Mother of confusion
In a world gone crazy
The mother of us all.

Nothing matters
Electro pop
Stay inside
It won't hurt for long
The numbness builds quickly
Is anyone there?
Horn blows
A bus passes
The human tide is at low ebb
Outside it all
Here I lay
And the world passes by